thursday thinking

Inspired (again) by David Westlake, I've been reflecting on some of the things that have fuelled my thoughts this week. Quite personal this week, but here's three things that have made me think...

Making wise life choices: (In)sanity by Mike Friesen
Having just finished one job, and now considering my options for filling that time* I enjoyed Mike Friesen's guest post on Steve Wiens' blog yesterday.
Titled "(In)sanity", Mike reflects on some of his own life - asking whether we experience sanity at its clearest when we are on our way to insanity. I've not experienced the anxiety or depression that Mike talks about, but I did recognise myself in the three scenarios he describes:

I withhold myself from relationships to avoid conflict. The years of pent up frustrations, limitations, let downs, failures, and lack of communication, has caused me to experience and painful isolation within the relationship.

I have been doing some type of work, behavior, or pattern of living and that stops working for me. And, when I continue to push forward in it because of the security it offers me, the gnawing frustration or pain continues until I change.

I am overly invested in something. When I get obsessive about something and I try to find worth, value, love, or meaning in it, the pursuit of it actually deteriorates it. When I am done with the obsession, I come back to my friends, family, and God, and vulnerably open myself up to them and allow them to speak into the void I was trying to fill.

With potential employment in mind, the second and third are particularly challenging. Some of my most difficult times have been towards the end of work/living patterns that have stopped working. Alongside that, at the moment, perhaps there are things that I'm overly invested in. They mean too much and could skew my decision making, leading me back into unhelpful working patterns which leads me back to the second point again. These can look like huge negatives, but actually, being aware of them can lead me to make better long term decisions, manage my time better and fully apply myself to what I'm involved with.

Sarcasm - an article in the Metro
Working in London this week, I commuted to Hammersmith which meant I picked up a copy of the Metro. Enjoyed this article on sarcasm. I know I use sarcasm a lot - perhaps too much? It's easy humour, and a passive aggressive defence mechanism and the article makes the challenge that today's sarcasm is largely lazy and lacks intellect. Ouch! Maybe sarcasm isn't the best way?

‘True sarcasm – and not the run-of-the-mill nonsense that teenagers or most adults, for that matter, spout off – is a psychological defence mechanism. A well placed sarcastic remark can help the person delivering the sarcasm to get a sense of satisfaction, knowing that an invisible blow has been delivered to an actual or perceived foe.Good sarcasm should deliver a surreptitious jab that doesn’t necessarily hurt the recipient but utterly satisfies the one delivering it.’

Resurrection Year by Sheridan Voysey

When several people independently recommend that you read the same book, there's only so long you can go on avoiding it. So I read Resurrection Year. Our situation is different to theirs (even though some of the visible outcomes might be the same.) For me the book is in two halves.

The beginning, during which I cried along with Sheridan and Merryn - those deep sobbing cries that are painfully refreshing and restorative. It's moving and powerful to read somebody else asking the exact same questions you yourself have asked. At that stage, it's not the answers to the questions that matter, it's the shared experience of knowing that others have asked them too.

And then the second half, in which I was looking for answers to some of those questions. If someone else has experienced them and has written a book then surely they have found some deep profound insights that I have yet to discover. I think I probably need to read this part of the book again, but after first reading I was disappointed. I wanted more. Unfairly, perhaps? And if I'm honest, I suppose it's not really the book or the authors that I'm annoyed at. I'm reluctant to accept a conversation with God which continually leaves the detail questions unanswered, instead being reminded that God is still God. It's a classic technique for behaviour management by distraction! Of course I know God is still God, and there's a challenge for all of us to constantly choose to remember this, to worship him at all times and in all places. And the unanswered questions are reflected in Job's story too. God never tells Job why it's all happened, just that He is worthy to be worshipped and that is enough.

I think what I struggle with most is finding the balance between choosing a new focus or always having hope for change. The book refers to Proverbs 13:12 "a hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is like a tree of life" and rightly says that there comes a point at which the sickness is too great, and letting go of the hope leads to fulfilment and wholeness in a different way. And when it comes to life choices, I can see that at work - every choice has elements of this, whether it's career path, family, moving house, experiences and opportunities. But what about when it's about physical healing, deep ongoing unanswered prayers and questions and the unknown world of whether things will be any different. Surely in that area we have to hold onto hope? Even if it makes the heart sick?

All this is hard to write without going into detail, and those are details I'm not going to share on a blog. The internet is too big and too wide! I'm grateful for a lot of things, including the truth that the things we struggle with don't follow me around like Perkin's cloud in the best Flumps episode ever. In the practical, there are many things I'm happy to let go of - to make alternative choices and to celebrate life as it is rather than bemoan the ways in which it fails to be what I'd hoped it'd be. But when it comes to hopes for healing and restoration, am I ready to let go of those and accept that this is the way things will always be? I'm not sure I am, or that I should be.



*it's two days a week and I'm obviously totally awesome, especially if you want me to work for you...

five minute friday: in between

In Between

Lots of things are changing at the moment. Decisions I made a while ago are beginning to come to pass. Reality hits. I'll blog in more detail on some of that soon (when it's not Friday and I've got longer than 5 minutes!)

So my "in between" at the moment is the space between the end of one thing and the beginning of the next.

I had some ideas regarding what might be the next thing. Safety nets, I suppose. Things which, even though they weren't definite yet, were possibilities which made deciding to end things feel safe and OK.

I can jump because there's a safety net for me to land in.

Now, having jumped, the safety nets I had planned for seem a little less secure. Gone, or perhaps not fixed. And who wants to land in a safety net that isn't attached to anything?

So I find myself in the in between. Freefall.

I know the jump was right.

But now I also know that my safety nets were flimsy. Unreliable.

So I fall. Not knowing where I'm going to land. But grateful that there's a safety net that covers not just the in between, but the endings and the beginnings too. And where better place to land than in God's love?

This blog is part of Five Minute Friday - a group of bloggers who write about a given subject for five minutes without, stopping, overthinking, editing or backtracking. There's rules:

* Check what the prompt is on www.lisajobaker.com
* Write a post in only five minutes on that topic on your blog.
* Link to Lisa's website and invite friends to join in.
* Select the permalink to your post {so not your blog url www.lisajobaker.com but your post url www.lisajobaker.com/2012/07/five-minute-friday-2/ }
* Using the linky tool at the bottom of Lisa's Five Minute Friday post enter your link.
* Your post will show up in our Five Minute Friday linky.
Be sure and encourage the person who linked up before you!

five minute friday: rest

Rest

Before I left for work this morning, I read Lisa-Jo's blog to see what the Five Minute Friday prompt is for today.

The word Lisa-Jo has given is Rest.

But what inspired me today is the image she included in her post. A simple silver keyring with the words "It is well with my soul"

Immediately the words of Horatio Spafford's amazing hymn were in my head.

I have a 45 minute drive to work and this morning it was filled with this hymn on repeat on my ipod. Brian Doerkson's version mostly, although I did allow Phil Wickham's version a couple of plays.

In listening, singing, enjoying the words, today I found rest.

So rather than write any more, let me share the rest with you.



This version is from last year's Prom Praise with the All Souls Orchestra at the Royal Albert Hall. Soloists are Kristyn Getty and Jonathan Viera and I believe the orchestral arrangement is by Simon Elphick. It was a joy to play. If you look carefully, one of the blurry instrumentalists in the back of the orchestra is me. But that's not really the point. Enjoy the words of this beautiful hymn today.

This blog is part of Five Minute Friday - a group of bloggers who write about a given subject for five minutes without, stopping, overthinking, editing or backtracking. There's rules:

* Check what the prompt is on www.lisajobaker.com
* Write a post in only five minutes on that topic on your blog.
* Link to Lisa's website and invite friends to join in.
* Select the permalink to your post {so not your blog url www.lisajobaker.com but your post url www.lisajobaker.com/2012/07/five-minute-friday-2/ }
* Using the linky tool at the bottom of Lisa's Five Minute Friday post enter your link.
* Your post will show up in our Five Minute Friday linky.
Be sure and encourage the person who linked up before you!

his eye is on the sparrow

It's Friday! Here's my 5-minutes...

Ordinary
I write this having just got back from a funeral. One of our neighbours died a couple of weeks ago, having battled cancer since October (at least, that's when she found out she had it.)

At the service, mostly in Greek, I was struck by how extraordinary most ordinary people are. Most of us live in the everyday - sleep, eat, work, friends etc. We're all ordinary really. But in between all that normal stuff we all have extraordinary stories.

Nicky had plenty of those stories. A life full of extraordinary moments.
- of growing up in Greece, family life, school life
- of how first polio, and then a serious accident on her Vespa broke and weakened her body but strengthened her spirit
- of romance and love with her husband Bernard
- of working double shifts as a nurse, earning extra money as a hairdresser and police translator and bringing up her son all at the same time
- of travelling the world alongside her beloved husband
- of parties, dancing and singing, the things she loved to do

We've only known her a couple of years - she was one of our neighbours in this block of flats. But visiting Nicky always involved looking through more photos and hearing more stories. Usually accompanied by samples from either her baking or her drinks cabinet, often both!

But the most extraordinary thing about her was her faith. She knew, unswervingly confidently, that she was loved by God. Death was not scary for her. It was peace.

It'll be quiet here without her. But as her son, Theo, said today, we don't need to mourn for a life lost, but can celebrate a life well lived.

This blog is part of Five Minute Friday - a group of bloggers who write about a given subject for five minutes without, stopping, overthinking, editing or backtracking. There's rules:

* Check what the prompt is on www.lisajobaker.com
* Write a post in only five minutes on that topic on your blog.
* Link to Lisa's website and invite friends to join in.
* Select the permalink to your post {so not your blog url www.lisajobaker.com but your post url www.lisajobaker.com/2012/07/five-minute-friday-2/ }
* Using the linky tool at the bottom of Lisa's Five Minute Friday post enter your link.
* Your post will show up in our Five Minute Friday linky.
Be sure and encourage the person who linked up before you!

repost: glee and jesus

This is a post I wrote two years ago for the Church Mouse blog. Plenty of things have changed since then and Mouse's blog is now closed for public readership. It's a great loss to the blogosphere - personally I really enjoyed the rodent perspectives on the ins and outs of the Anglican world. But while we're devoid of the anointed mouse's squeakings until he feels ready to share again, I figured he wouldn't mind me reposting something I once wrote as a guest post for him...

Glee and Jesus

(episode preview of Glee, series 2, episode 3: Grilled Cheesus)

They addressed sexuality, disability and teenage pregnancy in with a no-nonsense approach so bold it’d be easy to forget there ever was any taboo around the subjects so it was inevitable that eventually, Glee would ‘do Jesus’. The episode, titled Grilled Cheesus broadcast in America in October 2010 and in the UK last Monday, opened with Finn seeing an image of Jesus in his cheese toastie. Taking this as a sign from above, he prays to this cheese Jesus, seeing almost instant answers which spark an interesting conversation amongst the characters, fuelled all the more by Kurt’s struggle to come to terms with his father’s sudden heart attack and its implications.

Through conversation and their choice of repertoire, the Glee Club members address a variety of aspects of faith and spirituality in an evenly balanced and gentle debate. In an interview with an American TV Guide, series co-creator Ryan Murphy says that he was keen to “address religion in a responsible way” yet predicted that the episode could be their most controversial so far. Keen to ensure a fair representation, the show references several faith including Judaism and Christianity, Sikhism and even a mention for the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The script was checked by Murphy and his co-writers to make sure that every anti-religious sentiment was counter balanced by one of a pro-religious nature.

The show is a godsend for preachers, youth workers and RE teachers, providing a library of illustrative material to last at least the rest of the year. In one 40 minute episode, subjects covered include prayer and answered prayer, social stereotyping and perceptions of church, the existence of God, a range of perspectives on suffering, the place of faith in every day life, interfaith discussion and the acceptability of speaking up about your personal beliefs in a public context. On top of all this, the whole concept of a Glee Club – a group of people, diverse to a degree that would make United Colours of Benetton proud, united by their shared love for one thing and finding acceptance and belonging as a result – surely has a lot to offer for those of us considering what church could and/or should look like. Expect to see clips of this in churches and classrooms for a long time to come!

For the church today, this episode of Glee brings a host of challenges as well as opportunities.

The script presented an open discussion of personal faith and spirituality without it being sidelined by defensive aggression or preconceived judgements. The characters aired their views and reacted and responded to each other in the context of their love and mutual acceptance as a community, without the argument and conflict which so often follows these conversations in ‘real life’. So often it seems that we Christians pre-empt the attack, firing out our justifications for our faith like anti-missile shots, whilst so many non-believers switch off at the first mention of God, reverting to pre-prepared responses. Generalisations, I know, but the result is all too often an almost rehearsed performance of a familiar debate, rather than a considered responsive discussion of what we actually believe. A few minutes of a popular TV series reminds us that it doesn’t have to work this way, that it is possible to listen to each other, to engage in thoughtful conversation about beliefs without animosity. How many more of us would feel comfortable speaking publically about personal faith, just like Finn did after his encounter with Cheesus, if we knew that an accepting and considered conversation could follow without the need for there to be aggressive debate, or even a “winner.”

As for the opportunities, whether you like it or not, you’re surrounded by Gleeks. Those teenage and student population will openly admit it, but they’re not alone. The happenings at McKinley High School become the topics of discussion in the classroom and office the next morning. Which means that this week, 1.29 million viewers in the UK are now thinking about, and discussing, faith and spirituality in their classrooms and workspaces. If we, the Church, can engage and respond with the same grace and openness as the cast of Glee, the potential for both personal spiritual development, and the social acceptability of discussions of faith are huge.

If you’ve ever dismissed Glee as fluffy mindless entertainment, as I know I have, watch again and be challenged…

five minute friday: again

The trouble with writing a Five Minute Friday post a few days late is that before you know it, it's Friday again, back with another word and another five minutes. If you're wondering what Five Minute Friday is, there's more info at the end of this post. But for now...

Again
I think I have it sussed.

How life is. How it's different from some of the dreams I might've had. How I feel about it and what I'm going to do about it.

Some things are difficult - there's ways through them and ways around them.

And then some things are great. To be celebrated, although often forgotten, taken for granted. Moments of brilliance. Of blessings.

On the worst days, the difficult things take the shine off the brilliant things. Those days are rare. I'm grateful for that too.

And on some days, the amazing things make the impossible seem possible. There's a way through. Stop ignoring or going round.

This week had one of those days. A towering impossible appeared to have a crack. Just the tiniest glimmer of light. Inviting. Possible.

Step towards it. Nothing. Darkness and a reminder that I'd labelled it IMPOSSIBLE for a reason. There are no words for those moments. Nothing adequate anyway. But one rings in the emptiness.

Again?

My "Again" is a question. To myself - did you really let yourself get here again? To God - do we really have to do this again?

God's "Again" is an encouragement. Like the parent teaching the toddler to walk.Set back on it's feet. Again. Try again.

Again. It's all about hope.

This blog is part of Five Minute Friday - a group of bloggers who write about a given subject for five minutes without, stopping, overthinking, editing or backtracking. There's rules:

* Check what the prompt is on www.lisajobaker.com
* Write a post in only five minutes on that topic on your blog.
* Link to Lisa's website and invite friends to join in.
* Select the permalink to your post {so not your blog url www.lisajobaker.com but your post url www.lisajobaker.com/2012/07/five-minute-friday-2/ }
* Using the linky tool at the bottom of Lisa's Five Minute Friday post enter your link.
* Your post will show up in our Five Minute Friday linky.
Be sure and encourage the person who linked up before you!

enjoying advent

It's Advent! For seven more days. A whole week of it left.

As a child, Advent was two things to me
- a countdown to Christmas, with a calendar to help. I don't ever remember having a chocolate one, but my brother and I were always excited to see what picture was net.
and
- that time of year when you were actually allowed to handle matches in church.

This year I'm really appreciating Advent as a season of preparation, a time to acknowledge the significance of what we're about to celebrate and to reflect on some of the themes. And I've found a few things online that have been helpful with that too so I thought I'd share.

Advent Unwrapped - a series of creative reflections from Seeds, curated by a different team each week. So far there's been a group-authored poem curated by Chris Norris in week 1, a story and two images from Jo & Neil Ruckman, and a thought and shared poem from Heather Ellis. I expect there's more to come...

Question Time for Advent by Penelope Swithinbank. An Advent Sermon from Penelope in which she suggests three questions to ponder, one per week for Advent. You can read it at her blog or listen to it if you'd prefer. I was late to this party so haven't managed a question per week, but I did find this talk profoundly challenging as well as a time of great closeness with God. I plan to reflect on the questions anyway, even though it won't be a week-by-week Advent thing.

A Pause In Advent - a small group of linked blogs who post every Sunday/Monday (or thereabouts) during advent with a short reflection on a theme of their choice. I'm enjoying taking a few moments each week to consider a theme but I'm also really loving reading the other posts. There's a list in the left-hand sidebar of the blog that's linked from the image here.

That's all for now - I'll come back and add to this post if I come across anything else.

a pause for advent - waiting

Once again, this year during advent I'm learning that I'm really not very good at waiting. Whatever it might be that I'm waiting for, I get impatient so quickly - a holiday, a train, a special occasion, a deadline, a change... it seems none of it can come soon enough. It's why this blog has the name it does - an encouragement from a friend to focus on what is happening right now, rather than to always be looking to what is next.

I'm always tempted to ice cakes before they're fully cooled, or to move onto step three of a craft project before the glue from step two is fully dried. I've never done any house decorating - probably a good thing! When I took up the bassoon aged fourteen, the first two lessons were just before the summer holidays. My teacher went through a few basics with me and pointed out the next two or three pages of the tune-a-day book for me to have a look at over the six week break. By September I'd finished the book and played a whole load of other things too. Too impatient to spend six weeks on three pages!

To some extent, this is my personality type. I'm always going to be like this, and I'm aware that I constantly need to learn how to recognise which things need the time and the wait and how to develop the discipline I need for those situations. Sometimes that lesson is learnt by retrospectively recognising what I have missed by not waiting. I wonder how much better my bassoon technique might be if I had spent six weeks on the first three lessons?

Fourteen years ago I travelled to Thailand to spend two weeks in a camp in the northern jungles. One of many camps occupied by Burmese refugees, fleeing the military dictatorship that had controlled the country since the assassination of Aung San in 1947. For two weeks, we spent time with some students our own age as they taught us a little bit about Burmese history, shared their culture, explained some of the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights and told us their stories. Personal, horrific stories of escaping from a military regime - things we could barely imagine in our own lives, stories that seemed to fit better in film scripts than in real life.

It was a powerful trip. Life-changing for us teenagers in so many ways. I have no idea where any of those Burmese students are now, and not really any way of finding out, but in them I met a group of people who were filled with joy in the face of great adversity. Many of them had been brutally tortured, had seen family members murdered or entire villages torched. And yet they smiled, real genuine smiles every day. They trusted God and they were grateful for what he had given them.

We returned home changed but also aware of a fifty year old humanitarian situation happening on the other side of the world that the media were largely ignoring. We hoped for peace, for breakthrough, for change. But it seemed so big and so impossible.

In the last two years, cracks have begun to appear in that giant, dark, impossible situation. The release of Aung San Suu Kyi after twenty one years of house arrest. The first stages of democratic reform. The country opening up to visits from international heads of state, and even international media.

Change is coming. Changes that I had dared to hope for when listening to my Burmese friends relay their stories, but never fully believed I'd see happen in my lifetime. I can't begin to imagine what that might be like for the people we met in those camps. Tiny steps, but early glimpses of a new Burma with the freedom for my refugee friends to return home.

It's an encouragement. A reminder that sometimes hope takes a long time, but it's worth the wait. We're impatient, as humans but it's not hope that dies, it's our interest. I'm not pretending this is easy - sometimes it's just too painful to keep hoping. I wonder how that was for Anna and Simeon, both of whom had waited their entire lifetime to see the infant Christ. The hope that he would come, not realised for many years. Were they ever tempted to give up the waiting? And how did it feel on that day to hold him in their arms?

I know I'm rubbish at waiting, but this advent I'm hoping to be just a little better at it. And to focus on God in the waiting, as we wait for him.

While I've been typing this, news has come through from some friends in Florida that a new liver has been found for their 7-month old son. A season of waiting come to an end, leading them straight into another wait, while their boy is in surgery for 15 hours. Will you join me in praying for them today?

** UPDATE **
From our friends in Florida...
"Praise our God of miracles! Charlie is out of surgery and all went well. The incredible surgeons were at work for almost 12 hours and told us his liver was like a rock, bleeding and with no function left. This new liver came just in time. Thank you for your prayers, thoughts and comments. It will be a slow and difficult recovery but God will sustain us as He always graciously does. Bless Charlie our little miracle!"

a pause for advent - joy to the world

I haven't got much to say for this week's advent pause. I'd simply like to share a story with you of what happened yesterday.

Last year one of our friends put together a small group of singers to sing carols at a charity event. Seeing as we were rehearsing, we arranged to sing in a few wards at the hospital in Luton on the way. The day was a lot of fun and we raised a bit for charity as well as leaving a few smiles on some faces.

So this year, when the event organisers asked again, we agreed. Except instead of the hospital, we sang four times in elderly residential homes.

We finished carol singing in the 1st floor common room of one of the homes and left to find the room on the next floor up. In the corridor we came across some staff wheeling a lady in an armchair out of a room. It was the first time she'd been out of bed for two years but it had taken so long to get her up and settled that she missed our set.

We stopped and sang Joy To The World and Silent Night in the corridor as she smiled and her daughters and four members of staff wept. What a privilege.

Joy to the world, the Lord is come!
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare him room,
And heaven and nature sing.

going grey

This week's twitter furore around the Bristol Uni CU issue has been interesting to follow... if a little predictable.

I don't want to get into it, but what I'm about to write needs a some background so...

For some reason this week a long-held policy at Bristol CU regarding whether or not women should be allowed to speak has become national news. There has been wide range of comment around this, from the wild angry accusations, to simple statements of position and fact. UCCF released their statement this afternoon.

There will be many blogs and articles which get into the theology and detail of the issues and I'm confident that they'll do the issue in question far better justice than I could. So I'm not going to try. If that's what you're after then  Jenny Baker's blog for the Sophia Network is a good place to start.

My thought is this.

It's 14 years since I went to university. So a while ago, but not so long that I can't remember some of what it was like.

Our CU was small and we got involved fairly quickly. I was VP for a year and President for the year following that. I remember many hours of discussion around issues including the question of what women could do (although the fact that I was president, and female, should give you some clue as to the position of our particular group on that one!)

What I remember, is that during the student years, life is black and white. Things are right or they are wrong, and everything can be filed on one side of the fence or the other, sometimes with some discussion, but always resulting in a decision. It's that easy. Circumstances come up that challenge those decisions, but there's very little grey area to leave things in. Memories of many late nights discussing/arguing the issues confirm this. I'm sure at times this meant that we were hideously ungracious, unforgiving or arrogant. Naively unaware of it all too.

I didn't learn to live in the grey areas until later. My student self would probably say I've become a fluffy liberal. But then there's a few things I'd like to say to my student self too. Since uni I have learnt... and am still learning that many issues remain firmly in the grey. Even those that do have clear black and white distinctives are areas where I'm likely either to be wrong or to find others who see the same situation completely the other way. And these "clear" right/wrong situations are all very well in theory, on paper, as hypotheticals. But the reality of life just isn't that simple. We live in the grey. It's a much easier place in which to love and be loved.

So when it comes to the Bristol CU incident, please let's have some grace and patience for them. For one thing, the whole situation makes me eternally grateful that I'm old enough that twitter and facebook simply didn't exist when I was a student. There'd have been many more "national news whirlwinds" just like this one. Let's pray that the reality of their situation isn't quite what the media are misrepresenting, and that through this (and other) exploration of what seems a black and white situation, individuals will take one step closer to life in the grey.

a pause for advent - humility

In an attempt to get back into blogging (and thus back into writing about things as an opportunity to stretch my thinking and process my thoughts) I've joined a few linky things. Last Friday I did Lisa-Jo's Five Minute Friday and today I'm participating in a four-week advent pause series hosted by Floss.

So here it is...

This term has seen us join our local Anglican church. It's been great to be able to walk to a church just over 5 minutes away and to worship right in the heart of the community we're living in, getting to know folk who live round about. It's also the most traditional and liturgical Anglican church I've ever been involved with and I'm discovering a new appreciation for liturgy, tradition, ritual and repetition. There's peace, wonder and beauty in it. But that's for another post, another day.

In the liturgical calendar, the start of advent is the start of a new year. I'd never really thought of it like this before, but it makes a lot of sense. Through advent we wait for and prepare for the birth of a baby, a king, of God. A new life that brought new life.

There was one single word that struck me during yesterday's service.

humility

The idea that God. GOD! Bigger than anything that is or can be imagined. More powerful than anything we can see or experience. Beyond, before, above and around all that is, has been and will ever be. God. God in all his vastness made himself humble, coming to earth not as the most powerful of creatures but as a baby. Dependent, small, fragile. That's humility.

God comes to earth and tries to be human.

Humans come to earth and try to be gods.

This week I'm going to be thinking about humility, how I can learn more of it from God and be more humble in life.

five minute friday: wonder

Wonder.

I don't use the word very often but I think its something I do all the time. Leave me to my own devices and my mind drifts, chewing over an earlier conversation or an event or something I read. I wonder.

And so often it can be negative. I wonder what might have been. All the "what if?" questions. Quite fun, sometimes, to rewrite your own life story. But a distraction from the reality of today. That's OK, to a point. Maybe even leads to improvements and a better way. But on the other hand does it just tempt me to believe that what I have isn't good enough, that I should be/have/do better? I become regretful of the have-nots rather than grateful for the haves. I see the details of life as unfortunate irritants, rather than opportunities to marvel and be thankful.

My first teaching placement for my PGCE was with a year 2 class in a small school in north Warwickshire. The early placements are largely observations so by the time I was asked to take a science lesson I was keen to get stuck in. The class were learning about electricity and basic circuits and I was given the session with all the wires, bulbs and batteries. It was all set out, each pair of children had a piece of paper on their desk with a bulb in a holder, 2 wires with crocodile clip ends and an AA battery. We talked about how it all worked with demonstrations etc and then the children had a go.

The room was full of children clipping wires all over the place. But Lewis is the one I remember. I was at his table when he completed the circuit. The final crocodile clip attached to the bulb. The lightbulb went on, not just in the circuit, but behind his eyes too. Genuine wonder at the shining light that was a result of his simple connecting of the bits and pieces in front of him. A beautiful moment - for many of us we'd disregard it because the it was so simple. But Lewis' face and enjoyment of the moment is a reminder to wonder.

The word reminds me of a beautiful song by Keith & Kristyn Getty; Don't Let Me Lose My Wonder.

I've seen days melt into nights in circles of lights,
I've watched a spider spin a star between the window box flowers,
I've heard you laugh and cry in a single sigh, and a story form within.

Don't let me lose my wonder.
Don't let me lose my wonder.

I saw her broken dreams inside but helping others fly,
I saw his eyes without a doubt though other lights faded out,
And though her calling roared such graciousness flowed
From the vision of her soul.

A baby cried through the dark beneath a jeweled spark,
I knew Your voice upon the hill and heard my lostness still,
I found my home in the light where wrong was made right
And You rose like the morning star.

Don't let me lose my wonder
Don't let me lose my wonder.

It doesn't mention God at all but if you've ever heard it you'll know it's a prayer. God don't let me lose my wonder. Don't let me lose sight of you in the every day details. Don't let me miss seeing you even when everything seems dark and negative.

This blog is part of Five Minute Friday - a group of bloggers who write about a given subject for five minutes without, stopping, overthinking, editing or backtracking. There's rules:

* Check what the prompt is on www.lisajobaker.com
* Write a post in only five minutes on that topic on your blog.
* Link to Lisa's website and invite friends to join in.
* Select the permalink to your post {so not your blog url www.lisajobaker.com but your post url www.lisajobaker.com/2012/07/five-minute-friday-2/ }
* Using the linky tool at the bottom of Lisa's Five Minute Friday post enter your link.
* Your post will show up in our Five Minute Friday linky.
Be sure and encourage the person who linked up before you!

lunch

A return to my much neglected blog to tell you about Lunch.

In the summer of 2011 I watched a documentary about children living in poverty in the UK. It changed my life. That's a much overused phrase, but this time it really did. I've put the story below but the short version is that in summer 2011 we saw three community groups open centres to serve meals during school holidays for children who'd get free school meals in term time. We served over 300 meals that summer, and grew that to over 3000 meals in 13 locations across the UK in summer 2012. And it's still growing. All the previous locations are planning to open again and even this week I've had enquiries from at least 4 potential new teams.

If you want to know more, or are moved by the video above or the story below, do get in touch, or head on over to the Lunch website where you'll find information on how to get involved.

Here's the story:

On 7th June 2011, the BBC screened a documentary called Poor Kids. Made by Jezza Neumann at TrueVision, the programme showed what life is like for the 3.5million children who live in poverty in the UK. Three children from different areas of the country were the narrators, covering various aspects of life including housing, income, holidays and food.

If you missed Poor Kids when it was on I'd really recommend you check it out. You can watch the trailer at the TrueVision TV website and order the DVD there if you want to see more.

Sam, Paige and Courtney's honest account of life was moving and hugely challenging. It's hard to watch children facing difficulties and not be left feeling that something must be done to change things. But 3.5 million children is no small number, and it's the tip of the iceberg, representing families who are struggling with debt, unemployment, addiction... the list is endless. There's no one simple problem here, not one single reason for all these instances of child poverty and therefore no simple solution.

During the programme, 8 year old Courtney shows us what's in her fridge - a bottle of milk, some margarine and 2 bottles of medicine. Later she talks about what she eats during the day:

Courtney: For dinner we have a big version of a sausage roll

Interviewer: What about breakfast?
C: Nowt. Cos I sometimes forget to make myself some toast or something or we're going to be late for school.

I: Do you ever go without lunch?
C: I go without dinner when I'm at home but when I'm at school I get dinner. I have tea when I'm at home but I sometimes go without dinner because my mum hasn't got enough money and she owes people money.

According to the documentary, 1 in 5 children from low income families say they sometimes go without food. Children from single parent families are twice as likely to miss meals.

Later on in the programme, 11 year old Sam tells us that he's recently started receiving free meals at school. He says it's a good thing because he's getting fed, but the pressure on the family increases during holiday time as his dad has to find £10 extra per week just to feed him. This is true for Sam and many other families - school holidays mean time off school, but bring additional struggles in terms of providing childcare whilst the parent is working, not having enough money to take the children to activities and having to find extra money for food.

It's these simple stories from Paige and Sam that have inspired Lunch. Lunch aims to see the 1.2 million children who receive free meals at school fed during school holidays by local community groups. It's not going to solve the whole problem of child poverty in the UK, but feeding children who might otherwise be hungry during the holidays seems like a good place to start.