Monday, May 22, 2006

how not to arrive at an interview

  • Pick a cold, rainy day.

  • Leave home wearing jeans and a top, tights (under jeans.... yuck!) and trainers and half-styled hair.

  • Put waterproof trousers, motorcycle jacket, helmet and gloves on

  • Take a carrier bag containing suit jacket and skirt, hair wax and spray, baby wipes and an umbrella.

  • Get moped out of garage and ride to destination school.

  • Park moped in a side street near school entrance.

  • Remove helmet, jacket, trainers and trousers. Place helmet on pavement, stuff jacket in compartment under seat and spread waterproof trousers on pavement for standing on.

  • Put up umbrella and wedge handle under chin, keeping hands free for other functions (see below)

  • Attempt to put skirt on over jeans.

  • Smile politely at bemused passers by.

  • Skirt fastened, try to maintain dignity whilst undoing belt and jeans, still smiling at passers by.

  • Realise that smiling moves the muscles which are holding up the umbrella. Replace smile with contorted frown.

  • Remove jeans, much to the disgust of old man standing on corner with dog.

  • Remove suit jacket from carrier bag and try to shake out creases before putting on.

  • Take posh shoes out of bag. Notice that they need cleaning. Give them a quick wipe over with a baby wipe before putting on.

  • Scowl at passers by.

  • Pick up waterproof trousers from pavement and fold up against body.

  • Try not to drop umbrella whilst vigorously brushing suit to remove dirty marks made by folding trousers.

  • Remember that bike locks are still in the under-seat compartment, underneath the stuffed in jacket. Pull out jacket, dump locks on floor and re-stuff jacket into compartment along with folded water-proof trousers.

  • Crouch down slowly so as not to rip skirt and fix locks to wheels of moped

  • Use another baby wipe to remove grease and dirt from hands.

  • Regret scowling at passers by and hope that none of them turn up on the interview panel.

  • Still holding umbrella under chin, open hair wax and attempt to rescue helmet hair.

  • Having vaguely tamed hair, spray with hairspray, filling umbrella with spray.

  • Sneeze.

  • Get accosted by a small boy brandishing a very large and very realistic replica (I hope) gun.

  • Use baby wipe to clean hair-wax from hands

  • Apply lipstick, wondering whether gun-boy might be in my class if I am offered the job.

  • Stuff gloves, baby wipes, hair wax and purse inside helmet and place in storage box on back of bike. Pack jeans, umbrella, carrier bag and one trainer in around it.

  • Close box and force it to lock.

  • Check hair and face in wing mirror.

  • Notice second trainer still on the floor.

  • Open box and try various arrangements of items before reluctantly admitting there isn't enough space.

  • Stuff extra trainer into under-seat compartment with jacket and trousers. Slam lid down quick before moped decides there's not enough space there either

  • Check hair and face in wing mirror again.

  • Walk across road (offending lollipop man by not crossing with him) and into school grounds

  • Approach reception window, noticing helmet-formed lattice marks still on forehead.

  • Wait in staff room for other candidates to arrive.


  • Even so.... i got the job! From September I'm going to be teaching 5-7 year olds at Manor Park School here in Coventry. Hurrah!

    9 comments:

    1. Congratulations! Just goes to show that appearances can be deceptive ;)

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    2. Congrats! Good luck with your current task at hand - you're going to need it!!

      Rachxx

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    3. Oooh what a tantalising tale! It could have soo headed towards 'and i didnt get the job', but you had a cunning twist planned! Question: could you not have got changed in the toilet?
      Congratulations though, that's fantastic! Lots of people i know getting jobs, so I'm very pleased and encouraged! Kathy Longford's just got the job as Music Teacher at a lovely lovely school in Burford!

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    4. No, I wanted to create a good impression as soon as I walked in the door - I didn't think walking in in wet motorbike gear and jeans, complete with bad helmet hair, would really help with that?

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    5. much much laughing had.. not all at your expense.. well done

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    6. Why get changed at all? Keep on the bike clothes and helmet and try abseling in through a skylight. Now that's making an entrance. Well done by the way!

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    7. Oh, that made me chuckle out loud lots :o)

      Well done - you definitely deserved the job based on your ingenuity and perseverence!

      Congrats!

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    8. Nice one Rach, though I fancy Nicks approach! Well done that girl.

      ReplyDelete

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